You must be as familiar with this emotional roller coaster as I am, that feeling that no matter what decision you make, it's the wrong one. Staying in one location too long to then not catch the good light in the next or to leave a location too soon to find out you left before the good light showed up. Putting your camera away too soon, not pulling over on the side of the freeway or being afraid that people will think you are crazy. There are an infinite different varieties that this fear will manifest, maybe you are like me or maybe it's just me, but these things are constantly on my mind.

I've done a lot of thinking about this and why I struggle with it to much. I think one thing is that this fear is inherent with the style of shooting I enjoy, the show up and get what you get kind of shooting. So the fear stems from the lack of control that you have over any given situation or location. There have been too many times where my greatest passion has created some of the most stressful moments. This is supposed to calm me and relax me, not make my day worse...

Like I mentioned, I've put a lot of time into thinking about this and it took until earlier this year to really figure out some way to deal with it. Basicly I came up with a mantra, but before I tell you it, I want to share the day I had when I came up with it.

I was on a road trip while I was still living in Colorado, my last road trip in fact. I decided to head up into Wyoming, North and South Dakota, and Nebraska for a long weekend. On the third day I had planned to go to the Badlands National Park and spend the entire day there. I really had no idea what to expect as I didn't do any research before I left.

The Park was around two hours away from where I was staying so I didn't get there until mid morning. The Badlands is absolutely amazing place with such incredible wildlife and scenery. After about 4 or 5 hours of exploring and adventuring (more to come on that in another blog) I headed into the local town for a snack and to see the famous Wall Drug Store. While I was there I discovered on a map hanging that there was an old Cold War nuclear silo that had been decommissioned that I just had to go see.

To my misfortune I overshot the silo location and went to the collective missile visitor center (there were a few different missile sites) and missed my chance to see the silo. you see, they close down the site around three in the afternoon by locking up the gate. I was so incredibly frustrated that I immediately jumped in my truck and headed over there anyway hoping the ranger was misinformed or perhaps catching one of the other rangers there before they locked the gates. Sure enough, when I got there, the site was locked down tight and no one insite to let me in. I was so incredibly bummed, I missed the closing by 15 minutes. After a few minutes of considering breaking in, I captured a few shots and made my way back to the park.

It was during all this time that a huge summer thunderstorm had rolled in and I was only now becoming aware of it. This bummed me out even more. Not only did I miss seeing a nuclear silo, I was about to get rained out and lose my light. I was already to give up and nearly did. I went to a gas station to fuel up to head back home when something came over me. I just thought 'Go with it'. Instead of getting back onto the freeway, I headed back to the Badlands.

As I did, the storm broke right over the park. While most people were leaving with the oncoming storm, I was heading back in and it was the best decision of the day. I stopped at a high overlook and fought the wind to make it down to a great vista of the Pinnacles. I had never seen a storm roll in so fast and break directly overhead. I was enamored and amazed.. then the lightning stated directly overhead. I was in the exact right place at the exact right time. To say the least my day wasn't ruined at all by missing the Silo, in fact missing it put me exactly where I needed to be to capture the lighting in the Badlands.

So what did I learn from all of this? I think I finally got that I needed to let go of the illusion that I'm in control and just go with the flow. Just the night before a very similar chain of events took place that allowed me to be in the right place and the right time to capture a 7 minute window of the northern lights peaking out in North Dakota. So here is my learning condescend down to the mantra I mention earlier:

"Where I am is where I'm supposed to be, how it connects to the next moment will remain a mystery to me"

Here are a few pictures from that experience: The silo as I saw it, the storm approaching and breaking. By the way, the shot of the lighting was done by hand, I had tio anticipate when it might strike and hope for the best.

I've already written a little bit about this day previously here, so I won't go into too much repetitive detail, but this was going to follow suit with being amazing.

After getting in so late the night before, I let myself sleep in a little bit and had a leisurely morning with lots of coffee. My drive today was nothing compared to the day before, so I wasn't too stressed. Often, when I go exploring, I like to get into it with not too much information. Usually, I might know of a few things I know I shouldn't miss, but most often I prefer to leave the day wide open to opportunity, to let the day take me where it needs to go. Today was no exception, I had no idea what to expect or where to go, and I loved it.

The Badlands are stunning; I couldn't think of a better name for how it looks. The formations made from erosion makes you feel like you're on Mars or something. I stopped a few times to explore some of the cracks and small canyons that go on for what seems like forever. At one point I could see halfway up the side a bunch of tumbleweeds that all collected together that peaked my interest.

Though it ended up being nothing crazy, it did get me closer to something exciting. Just above the tumbleweeds was what I thought was an abandoned colony of Swallow nests, so I climbed up further to get a closer look. At this point, my footing was getting pretty bad as the hillside was turning into a cliff the higher I climbed. As I was up there looking around, my assumption of "abandoned" was quickly disproven as the colony came home to find a visitor lurking in their neighborhood. There must have been hundreds of them swooping and flying around me. After a few quick pics, I scrambled down the hill not wanting to stress these little guys out. I couldn't help but think of Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds.

Next was the most exciting moment of the day, but I went into depth around that moment here as mentioned above so that I won't relive it here. But after getting that shot of the lightning, which was all wrong I later learned, and now that I think about it how crazy is it to click the shutter button at the same time lightning struck?... Regardless, I was riding incredibly high in adrenaline. I made my way towards the western section of the Park to a dirt road that looked like an excellent adventure.

Unfortunately, due to the very recent rain of the thunderstorm, I wasn't able to get very far, but I did get on top of this plateau to some fantastic views. I also found an old abandoned farmhouse. I love abandoned buildings, but I have to admit, they are always just a bit creepy.

After missing the sunset the night before, I was making it a priority to capturing it today. I didn't have a plan, and I didn't know what or where I was going to shoot, so I just kept driving west and trusted that an opportunity would present itself and it did.

Photography Date: 5-28-17
Writing Date: 7-25-18